Perfectionism

JUST THE WAY YOU ARE

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HEART CLOUDS
SONG CLIP FROM
YOU CAN MAKE IT

See how very much our Father loves us,
for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!
I John 3:1a NLT

It’s amazing how the way we are reared can affect the rest of our lives. I don’t mean this to sound egotistical, for I assure you it is not meant in that manner, but my mother taught us that if someone is not attractive physically, they are “less than.” I know that sounds horrible and I’m sure if you had called her on it, she would have denied it, because she didn’t really say it in words. But the idea was subtly implied in conversations and in criticisms and judgmental attitudes. “Did you see that dress she had on? She could have at least fixed her hair?” She did the same thing to TV personalities.

I think it all stemmed from low self-esteem. She was a wonderful, beautiful and kind woman, but she grew up in abject poverty and so did my dad. But after their marriage, through hard work and a great deal of determination, they managed to bring themselves and their children into a middle-class lifestyle. My father determined that his children would never do without like he did!

But this influence on my life brought me into bondage to extreme perfectionism. Of course, I didn’t really realize it…I just knew I was miserable and always very angry! When I say extreme…I mean extreme! I wouldn’t wear a gold ring with a silver hair clip. Yes, it was that bad! But really, I suffered from that same low self-esteem issue that my mother had. It had been passed down to me and my sister. It was not until I was in my fifties that the Lord helped me to realize what bondage I was in and how truly miserable I was. When I did, I decided to do something about it, for certainly no one else could or would. Now days, I still dress immaculately with everything perfectly coordinated, but it is no longer out of a need for perfectionism, it is simply habit from having done it for so many years. The folks in my office call me “Fancy Nancy”! : ) I told them, when you’ve been here as many years as I have, you have enough jewelry and accessories to compliment any outfit!

My point in sharing all of this with you is to let you know that until I discovered that My Heavenly Father loves me just the way I am, I didn’t have the power to break free from this bondage. Now, I still like to look good, don’t get me wrong, but it is not an obsession. If I have to go out without makeup or being dressed to the tee, I don’t feel “less than.” I just feel normal. What a freeing concept!

Also, as a woman growing up in the South, I was taught that you should do your best to please people and you must always defer to men. Those things are a dangerous combination and caused me many problems in my adult life. But in that also, I came to realize that My Father God loves me and He is the only one I have to please or defer to. And even in that, it is our choice. And you know what…even if I do something that doesn’t please Him, He loves me anyway! His love is not conditional like human love! “I am my Beloved’s and He is mine. His banner over me is Love.”

Don’t EVER let anyone make you feel that you are “less than” for ANY reason! “You are fearfully and wonderfully made” by the God of the Universe and He loves you! If you have any bondage from the past that tells you otherwise, break it and annul it now by the power of the blood of Jesus Christ! Walk in the victory He died to attain for you!!!

I just can’t help myself…as a musician, I have to leave you with a verse from a song by Billy Joel:

I said I love you and that’s forever,
And this I promise from the heart;
I could not love you any better,
I love you just the way you are!

REFLECT YOUR LIGHT FORWARD

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LAMPSTAND
The Lord said to Moses,
“Give Aaron the following instructions:
When you set up the seven lamps in the lampstand,
place them so their light shines forward
in front of the lampstand.”
So Aaron did this. He set up the seven lamps
so they reflected their light forward,
just as the Lord had commanded Moses.
Numbers 8:1-3

Sometimes when I’m reading my daily Bible reading, I tend to speed read or scan over passages in the Old Testament that I feel are more historical in nature than applicable to my life today. And although that is the case many times, especially in the Books of Numbers or Leviticus, sometimes a passage will jump out at me and preach an entire sermon. That is what happened this morning as I was reading in the Book of Numbers. The verse above, that ordinarily would be just another one of the Levitical regulations set out for the operation of the temple caught my attention like a neon sign in an otherwise dark city. “When you set up the seven lamps in the lampstand, place them so their light shines forward in front of the lampstand.”

If I am to be totally honest, and I usually am, I have spent most of my life looking backward, shining a judgmental, critical and remorseful light on my past. “Oh, why did I do that? Why didn’t I do this? How could I have been so stupid? What is wrong with me?” Do you sense a slight hint of perfectionism? Yes…and not just a slight hint, but a full-blown expose’! I don’t know if I was just born with that propensity or if it was developed early in my childhood, but it has made me miserable most of my life. As I said, I was my own worse critic!  Even when I did well…in my own eyes I didn’t measure up. I always could have done it differently…or better!  Not until recent years have I come to a full realization of this and tried to change it.

What if a person is walking down a dark path at midnight? There is only a sliver of a moon which really provides no beneficial light. The person has a flashlight, but is holding it the wrong way, thus the light is illuminating the pathway behind them. They can’t see where they’re going, only where they’ve been. Their hope for the future is minimized, as they focus only on the past.

What about someone who is driving, but rather than focusing on the road ahead, is obsessed with the view in the rear view mirror? To put it very tactfully, their future would be a very dismal one indeed! Are you getting the picture? It is so not worth it to focus on the past. Every once in a while you do have to glance in your rear view mirror, but a prolonged look could cost you.

Look at your past, learn from your mistakes, ask God to forgive you, forgive yourself and move on. Shine the light of your attention forward, in front of you…on the future God has prepared for you. He declares if you put your trust in Him, it will be a good one!

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord.
“They are plans for good and not for disaster,
to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11