Self-esteem

A HOLE IN MY SIDEWALK

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SIDEWALK . HOLE
When you are tempted, He will also provide a way out
so that you can stand up under it.
I Corinthians 10:13

Some things you read, are just imprinted on your mind like photographs. And every so often something you experience or something you observe brings them back to your mind’s eye just as vividly as when the first impression was made. Such is this essay I read by Portia Nelson. It reads, “I walk down the street. There’s a hole in the sidewalk and I fall in. I’m lost; it isn’t my fault. It takes me forever to get out. I walk down the street again. There’s a hole in the sidewalk, but I pretend I don’t see it, so I fall in again. I can’t believe I’m in the same place; still, it isn’t my fault. I walk down the street again. There’s a hole in the sidewalk I see it, but I still fall in ~ it’s a habit. But now my eyes are open and I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately. I walk down the street. There’s a hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it! Finally, I walk down another street!”

Oh, My Friends, I don’t know whether or not you can relate to this, but I think it’s been the story of my life and has caused me so much sorrow, guilt and pain! Let me give you my translation. “I am walking through life. Temptation is in my path and I fall in its trap. I’m devastated, but it really isn’t my fault. Satan tricked me! It takes me forever it seems to get over the guilt and shame. I am walking through life again. I am faced with the same temptation, but I PRETEND I don’t see it, so I fall into the trap again. I can’t believe I’m in the same place; still it isn’t my fault (so I say!). Satan tricked me again! I am walking through life. I am faced again with the same temptation. I see it, but I still fall in ~ now it’s a habit. But this time my eyes are open and I know where I am. It IS my fault! The choice is mine alone. I get out immediately. I am walking through life. I am faced with the SAME temptation. I recognize it as the same trap the enemy has used before. I resist it through the power of the Holy Spirit. FINALLY, I take another path through life!”

Those of you who are acquainted with me are wondering what that temptation is. I say IS, rather than WAS, because I am still faced with it on occasion. Suffice to say, I have a strong tendency to try to find security on my own, rather than depending on the Lord. It can lead to problems. But it is not in my best interest to declare that temptation in this blog.

Those of you who are my close friends probably know what it is, for you have been there beside me the whole time, helping dig me out of the trap and regain my self-esteem. Jesus knows, for He too, was right beside me all the way. But YOU know what that temptation is for you. Is it a trap that you keep falling into repeatedly? It may be what some people would consider a small sin, such as a bad temper or a stinking attitude. It may be something with far more lasting consequences such as alcoholism, drug addiction, chronic lying or sexual impropriety. I don’t have to know, but if after reading this you recognize it, then you are at the last stage of this analogy. It’s time that you recognize it as a recurring trap of Satan, a habit and something that only you can resist through the power of the Holy Spirit. Habits are not easy to break, even with God’s help, for as the Apostle Paul says, the flesh with its desires has a mind of its own. But it is not impossible, for ALL things are possible with God! If there is something in your life that is making you miserable because you keep falling into the same trap, leading to guilt and depression, it’s time for you to repent, turn around and take another path of the Holy Spirit’s leading!

I can do ALL things through Christ Who strengthens me!
Philippians 4:13

JUST THE WAY YOU ARE

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HEART CLOUDS
SONG CLIP FROM
YOU CAN MAKE IT

See how very much our Father loves us,
for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!
I John 3:1a NLT

It’s amazing how the way we are reared can affect the rest of our lives. I don’t mean this to sound egotistical, for I assure you it is not meant in that manner, but my mother taught us that if someone is not attractive physically, they are “less than.” I know that sounds horrible and I’m sure if you had called her on it, she would have denied it, because she didn’t really say it in words. But the idea was subtly implied in conversations and in criticisms and judgmental attitudes. “Did you see that dress she had on? She could have at least fixed her hair?” She did the same thing to TV personalities.

I think it all stemmed from low self-esteem. She was a wonderful, beautiful and kind woman, but she grew up in abject poverty and so did my dad. But after their marriage, through hard work and a great deal of determination, they managed to bring themselves and their children into a middle-class lifestyle. My father determined that his children would never do without like he did!

But this influence on my life brought me into bondage to extreme perfectionism. Of course, I didn’t really realize it…I just knew I was miserable and always very angry! When I say extreme…I mean extreme! I wouldn’t wear a gold ring with a silver hair clip. Yes, it was that bad! But really, I suffered from that same low self-esteem issue that my mother had. It had been passed down to me and my sister. It was not until I was in my fifties that the Lord helped me to realize what bondage I was in and how truly miserable I was. When I did, I decided to do something about it, for certainly no one else could or would. Now days, I still dress immaculately with everything perfectly coordinated, but it is no longer out of a need for perfectionism, it is simply habit from having done it for so many years. The folks in my office call me “Fancy Nancy”! : ) I told them, when you’ve been here as many years as I have, you have enough jewelry and accessories to compliment any outfit!

My point in sharing all of this with you is to let you know that until I discovered that My Heavenly Father loves me just the way I am, I didn’t have the power to break free from this bondage. Now, I still like to look good, don’t get me wrong, but it is not an obsession. If I have to go out without makeup or being dressed to the tee, I don’t feel “less than.” I just feel normal. What a freeing concept!

Also, as a woman growing up in the South, I was taught that you should do your best to please people and you must always defer to men. Those things are a dangerous combination and caused me many problems in my adult life. But in that also, I came to realize that My Father God loves me and He is the only one I have to please or defer to. And even in that, it is our choice. And you know what…even if I do something that doesn’t please Him, He loves me anyway! His love is not conditional like human love! “I am my Beloved’s and He is mine. His banner over me is Love.”

Don’t EVER let anyone make you feel that you are “less than” for ANY reason! “You are fearfully and wonderfully made” by the God of the Universe and He loves you! If you have any bondage from the past that tells you otherwise, break it and annul it now by the power of the blood of Jesus Christ! Walk in the victory He died to attain for you!!!

I just can’t help myself…as a musician, I have to leave you with a verse from a song by Billy Joel:

I said I love you and that’s forever,
And this I promise from the heart;
I could not love you any better,
I love you just the way you are!